Watching a 1950’s-era video – replete with scratchy recordings of terrible dancehall orchestras and rejected-from-Disney animation – wherein a man tells you that in the future magazines will smell like steaks and the management class work three days a week and never pay attention while driving (pffft, right) is one of life’s little comforts. “Haha,” we laugh derisively. “Look at those idiots! Flying cars? What we’re people in the ’50s smoking?” The answer to that question is obviously gold and the hair of subjugated races.
Yes, the benefit of hindsight feels mighty easy when stretched all the way back to the ’50s, but don’t forget that humanity will never forego its penchant for looking to the future, and with great rationalism and scientific debate, fantasising about some utter bullshit. Enter the Electrolux Bio Robot Refrigerator, the world’s first food storage unit/giant alien vagina.
“Still putting your food in a self-contained, refrigerated container like a common piece of shit?” the Electrolux advertisements of the near-future will say. “Get out of the past. Start shoving all that produce you bought with your heard-earned money into a colony of biomechanical robots. Because in the future, you’re not living properly unless you’re not entrusting your food to the tiny, technological race of robot slaves we’ve created to do everything for us who never question their existence through some hive mind-like collective sentience.”